CARRY ME HOME
“I used to think that I could never lose anyone if I photographed them enough. In fact, my pictures show me how much I’ve lost.” – Nan Goldin
I wish to take the purpose of photography literally, using the camera as a tool of preservation to stop time and preserve my family and recollections for as long as humanly possible. I have witnessed, powerless to intervene, time chip away at many things, including the vitality, memory, and relationships of once-vibrant men and women. My image-making practice is an attempt to alleviate the anxieties and uncertainties I have regarding death, the passage of time, and my family’s structural dynamics. This process fuels an innate desire to photograph, categorize, and archive the documents and images related to my lineage and personal recollections. These frenetic attempts at preservation sometimes prove futile and warp reality, forcing me to adapt my conception of actuality to accommodate and combat the distortion that occurs while I am documenting my memories. Though it may seem counter-intuitive, I additionally impose conditions on my subjects by creating environments and situations that force them to give up the control over the manner in which they are depicted, allowing me to capture an uncontrived result. These circumstances reinforce the bond between my subject and myself, in addition to forming new memories and dispelling the mystery and fear that I feel concerning the uncontrollable nature of life. Carry Me Home is my journey through the harsh landscape of forces of good and evil, selfish and altruistic, depressed and overjoyed. I am documenting the chaos, the love, and the difficult. In exploring these elements, I want to create a dialogue between my own personal experiences and the varied experiences of my viewers in relation to the uncertainty and impermanence of family structures and the individuals within them over the course of a lifetime. Through this process, I continue to identify myself.